Tag Archives: lap dance

You can’t come back from that

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Movies can sometimes set audiences up for disappointment in real life. There are certain things one just can’t do if one wants to maintain a relationship with another person. Unless the person in question has really low self-esteem, there are quite a lot of deal breakers that will ruin any chance of the ‘happily ever after’.

Here are the movies that are guilty of overestimating human forgiveness and understanding.

Wedding Crashers

Your new boyfriend seems uh… nice. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wedding Crashers

“So, sure, Mom, he lied to us all about who he was, crashed both my sisters’ weddings, but it was only because he and his buddy like to spend every summer lying to strangers to spoil their days and have sex with any girl they can get drunk enough. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. I think he’s The One.”

– No ending to any real story that has happened ever.

Film poster for My Best Friend's Wedding - Cop...

My Best Friend’s Wedding, aka 10 Ways to Ensure Your Best Friend Gets a Restraining Order Against You. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My Best Friend’s Wedding

“Hey, remember that time you tried to sabotage my marriage and get me fired? Haha, good times.”

– Awkward future conversation that a man won’t be having with his former best friend.

Cover of "My Best Friend's Girl (Unrated ...

Why is she SMILING? Name three good qualities the guy has, just three, seriously, Kate Hudson! (Photo credit: Amazon)

My Best Friend’s Girl

“When I first met Tank, he was such an asshole. He took me out for a date to a strip club and got me to pay for his lap dance. But then he had no strings attached sex with me for a series of weeks before attending my sister’s wedding, vomiting on her during her first dance with her husband, fatally injuring my grandmother, and propositioning my mother for fellatio. And I think that’s around the time I realised he was the man I was going to marry.”

–      A speech you won’t hear from a bride at her wedding reception.

Once Upon a Time in America

He’s a very distinguished looking leading man (with a great hat) who just gets a little rapey sometimes. (Photo credit: 3G Blu-Ray)

Once Upon a Time in America

“I can’t believe you won’t forgive me after I never even apologised for raping you. We’ve clearly loved each other all these years.”

–      Man in straitjacket.

Big Daddy (film)

Aww, that’s so sweet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Big Daddy

“I think it’s totally cool you only work one day a week, sit on your ass all day, and lie to child services to get a kid to care for irresponsibly.”

–      An intelligent, beautiful, successful lawyer’s response to her date right before the fake emergency phone call from her friend to get her the hell out of there.

Film poster for The Exorcist - Copyright 1973,...

Kill it, seriously, kill it now. Why are you talking to it? What, now you’re recording it?? Are you two making an album together? What the hell, priest? (Photo credit: Wikipedia, Copyright 1973, Warner Bros.)

The Exorcist

“Thanks for inviting me over yesterday to see your daughter who’s clearly possessed by Satan and literally the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. I’m back to have another word with her.”

–      A little white lie told with crossed fingers and a firearm held behind the priest’s back.

Cover of "The Family Stone (Widescreen Ed...

So much awkwardness. (Photo credit: Amazon)

The Family Stone

“Things feel so much more comfortable this Christmas since we swapped girlfriends.”

–      Not a likely remark to be passed between brothers at the family dinner table.

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