Tag Archives: boyfriend

My boyfriend’s best friend is dreamy

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First up, full disclosure: I don’t currently have a boyfriend.

This is why I think I have waited until this golden, shining singleton moment to confess that I have never failed to have a thing for the quirky sidekick of the leading men in my life. It’s a little tricky (not to mention risky) to write this post when you’re in a relationship.

Of course I have never acted on these crushes over the years. In reality, no matter how deliciously understanding, cute, sweet and funny your boyfriend’s best friend is, the true reason for his appeal is that he is similar to your boyfriend but you don’t have to deal with his annoying habits. You get to hold onto the fantasy that he is like your boyfriend, but without the stuff that makes you grind your teeth at night. You know, those things that your boyfriend says or does that you try to ‘work’ through, but are really concerned are giving you a stomach ulcer due to all of your repressed anger and frustration.

However, it’s an entirely different situation in movies. The quirky boy best friends are exceptionally awesome and, quite often, are shunned by the girl even when they prove they are far more worthy than the leading man.

So without further ado, here is my tribute to the unsung heroes of film: the guys on the sidelines who I firmly believe should have been chosen over the guy saying, “Sorry, just realised I have been a complete tosser this whole time, but I love you. Lucky you. Will you marry me?” at the end of the movie.

Jon Cryer, Pretty in Pink.

Jon Cryer, Pretty in Pink.

1. Classic Jon Cryer. How can you turn down a young man named Ducky? He sang to you, Ringwald, he sang to you. And side note, I don’t know, I just don’t think that dress is quite… there yet.

John Krasinski, Something Borrowed.

2. Are you kidding me, Ginnifer?? What kind of name is Ginnifer? Ginnifer is the Molly Ringwald of the present day, I’ve just decided. Nothing like a close, loyal, smart, funny friend who you love dearly and is JOHN KRASINSKI, the nicest guy on the planet after Steve Carrell, when you can try to be with a guy who fell for your ditzy, self-absorbed ‘best friend’ and isn’t sure a relationship with you looks right.

Jason Biggs, My Best Friend’s Girl.

3. I refer to My Best Friend’s Girl yet again. This movie contains so many ‘what the f*@#!’ moments for me. Sure, the pie guy comes on a little strong in this one but if we’re holding him up against Dane La Douche Cook? Neither guy wins on the names though. Tank and Dusty? Sounds like an ill-written children’s book about a couple of scrappy mutts comically awaiting adoption at the local pound, lest they be sent to doggy heaven. Alec Baldwin should have been called Rover. But hey, at least Kate Hudson’s character was named after Joan Collins in Dynasty. Ok, I’ll stop it on the name criticism. But seriously, Hollywood.

Jason Lee, Chasing Amy.

4. Banky Edwards. Now I’m not saying Alyssa Jones had a shot with him (due to his predilection for dick and fart jokes), but maybe I would have taken a moment’s pause to consider the uh, offer in that living room scene at the end. Grown men who can pull off a backwards baseball cap are my weakness. Very few can. Many try.

Mark Ruffalo, Rumor Has It.

5. Ok, Jennifer Aniston, really try to concentrate this time. Mark Ruffalo or Kevin Costner? NO, GODDAMNIT! … Ok. I’m sorry. I’m going to ask you one last time. Ok. Maark, as in the handsome guy who rocked Meg Ryan’s world in In the Cut, or Kevin? Now remember, Kevin was in Waterworld. And you thought he was your father. Thank god she gets it right in the end at least.

Ed Norton, Fight Club.

6. This one isn’t entirely valid because well, 14-year-old spoiler alert, Helena Bonham Carter did actually choose Ed Norton, but to my mind, Ed is the sexier version of Brad Pitt, not the other way around as it is presented to us. Like if they were really separate people, I would be all about Ed.

Ed Norton, Keeping the Faith.

7. Ed Norton, part two. Keeping the Faith – why doesn’t Dharma, I mean Jenna Elfman, pick Ed over Ben Stiller? Given Ed directed this movie, I’m guessing it’s because he’s humble. Which makes me love him even more.

Adam Goldberg, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

8. Adam Goldberg. His character is witty, articulate and gets the leading man to see reason about the lady in the end, before she gets away. Just imagine Adam on the motorbike to the tune of the best Gin Blossoms song in the movie’s finale, instead of the guy who communicates via a series of grunts, squeals and chin thrusts. Best line from McConaughey in the movie: “Naw, naw, naw, naw, naw, come oon, man, hoooooooo!” Use your words, Matthew.

Ron Livingston, Buying the Cow.

9. Three words, Bridgette Wilson: spoilt for choice. Your boyfriend’s friends include Ryan Reynolds and Ron (slacker has never been made more sexy) Livingston and you’ve gone with the crybaby who couldn’t cross a bridge in Stand by Me. And you’re a smoking hot blonde. I may also be looking at you, Rebecca Romijn. Not going to rub it in though, Bridgette, you paid the price for your mistake. We’ve all been there.

Jon Favreau, The Break Up.

10. Putting this one out there… Jon Favreau. He’s got that big bear thing like Javier Bardem that makes me just wanna sit on his lap. No, just me? Ok, never mind. I also don’t have dreams about Pete Hornberger from 30 Rock taking me out to a dive bar for beers and under-the-table knee rubs. Really, I don’t.

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You can’t come back from that

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Movies can sometimes set audiences up for disappointment in real life. There are certain things one just can’t do if one wants to maintain a relationship with another person. Unless the person in question has really low self-esteem, there are quite a lot of deal breakers that will ruin any chance of the ‘happily ever after’.

Here are the movies that are guilty of overestimating human forgiveness and understanding.

Wedding Crashers

Your new boyfriend seems uh… nice. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wedding Crashers

“So, sure, Mom, he lied to us all about who he was, crashed both my sisters’ weddings, but it was only because he and his buddy like to spend every summer lying to strangers to spoil their days and have sex with any girl they can get drunk enough. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. I think he’s The One.”

– No ending to any real story that has happened ever.

Film poster for My Best Friend's Wedding - Cop...

My Best Friend’s Wedding, aka 10 Ways to Ensure Your Best Friend Gets a Restraining Order Against You. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My Best Friend’s Wedding

“Hey, remember that time you tried to sabotage my marriage and get me fired? Haha, good times.”

– Awkward future conversation that a man won’t be having with his former best friend.

Cover of "My Best Friend's Girl (Unrated ...

Why is she SMILING? Name three good qualities the guy has, just three, seriously, Kate Hudson! (Photo credit: Amazon)

My Best Friend’s Girl

“When I first met Tank, he was such an asshole. He took me out for a date to a strip club and got me to pay for his lap dance. But then he had no strings attached sex with me for a series of weeks before attending my sister’s wedding, vomiting on her during her first dance with her husband, fatally injuring my grandmother, and propositioning my mother for fellatio. And I think that’s around the time I realised he was the man I was going to marry.”

–      A speech you won’t hear from a bride at her wedding reception.

Once Upon a Time in America

He’s a very distinguished looking leading man (with a great hat) who just gets a little rapey sometimes. (Photo credit: 3G Blu-Ray)

Once Upon a Time in America

“I can’t believe you won’t forgive me after I never even apologised for raping you. We’ve clearly loved each other all these years.”

–      Man in straitjacket.

Big Daddy (film)

Aww, that’s so sweet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Big Daddy

“I think it’s totally cool you only work one day a week, sit on your ass all day, and lie to child services to get a kid to care for irresponsibly.”

–      An intelligent, beautiful, successful lawyer’s response to her date right before the fake emergency phone call from her friend to get her the hell out of there.

Film poster for The Exorcist - Copyright 1973,...

Kill it, seriously, kill it now. Why are you talking to it? What, now you’re recording it?? Are you two making an album together? What the hell, priest? (Photo credit: Wikipedia, Copyright 1973, Warner Bros.)

The Exorcist

“Thanks for inviting me over yesterday to see your daughter who’s clearly possessed by Satan and literally the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. I’m back to have another word with her.”

–      A little white lie told with crossed fingers and a firearm held behind the priest’s back.

Cover of "The Family Stone (Widescreen Ed...

So much awkwardness. (Photo credit: Amazon)

The Family Stone

“Things feel so much more comfortable this Christmas since we swapped girlfriends.”

–      Not a likely remark to be passed between brothers at the family dinner table.